Indeed, when we menstruate, we tend to be more emotional. I personally feel that right now.
Day 4 mens, I'm in the deepest mental abyss. My faith seemed to be shaken. Not only because of problems at home, such as the uprising prices of everything, having worked but not yet been paid, BPJS which is still not active, and also the issue of Faza's disqualification at the pencak silat national championship yesterday.
But I am also heartbroken to see the atrocities in Palestine that have never been resolved. For almost a month now, Palestinians have been massacred, but it seems there is no help from Allah, at least from large Middle Eastern countries such as Saudi Arabia and the UAE. It's even craziest in the UAE, which held a Halloween parade in Dubai. Like there's no empathy.
Then what am I doing? More severe. Just witnessing and hearing death after death of a nation that is approaching extinction.
It's really not appropriate for me to ask God's plan, but I'm really tired, tired of feeling helpless and useless. Even if I want to confide in my friends, they don't seem interested in listening to me. Maybe that's the reason why they were never aware of my personal life for the past 15 years, several heartbreaks, financial problems, etc. They never know. Once they asked me why I never told them.
Do you want to know? Well, the reason is because you guys never asked, or were interested in listening to my story.
I understand we all have problems, maybe my problem is not as urgent as theirs, that's okay. Alhamdulillah.
Right now I feel so alone. There's nothing I can say about the situation of my heart and mind. My husband will become more stressed if I tell him, especially my father. Only Samsung notes or this blog that become the place that I pour out my heart.
I may be depressed now, but only me and Allah know that...and those who read this blog, of course. Although I doubt anyone does.
Just leave it like that.
O Allah, if this is all Your plan, strengthen me in witnessing and living it. I don't know whether You care about my prayers, while many people who are more pious than me are also praying for Palestine. But You still destroy Palestine, anyway..
Just don't take away my faith, O Allah, please set my heart on this religion, even though I don't understand Your plan. Please make me a Muslim until my last breath. Amen, Lord, amen.
