Marriage and Loyalty

Yesterday I had a chat with my husband about loyalty, in terms of marriage. I asked him, why do some people think marriage is about loyalty ?

I think loyalty has nothing to do with marriage. Marriage is merely about responsibility. Once you promise to God and in front of your parents and witnesses, you should take your part of responsibility. 

God knows human needs other humans to share the burden. Marriage is supposed to function like that. However, for the role that based on gender like conceiving a baby, it's surely on woman. But other than that, it all for shared. 

parenting --> both

delivering meals --> both 

laundry --> both 

cleaning house --> both 

earn living --> either one of both 

Any couple can discuss what kind of arrangements to make their marriage works comfortably. It would be crazy if a couple don't discuss their arrangement and expect their marriage would go smoothly. 

But again, please do not include loyalty in that arrangement. 

LOYALTY ONLY WORKS IF PEOPLE STAY THE WAY THEY WERE, WHEN THEY DECIDED TO GET MARRIED. 

The bitter thing about life is sometimes through time, people change. It would be unfair to ask loyalty from your spouse when you're no longer fun or attractive (in term of traits, not looks), or lost interest in him/her. Or when your spouse conduct an unforgivable fault, revert to other religion and so on. It's impossible to be faithful when there's no reason for it. 

Even our faith to God is always up and down, how come you expect loyalty from creatures? 

Don't get me wrong. I think loyalty is good, but it's not something to strive for. because it will automatically exists when the situation is conducive. After all, humans are the most opportunistic creatures.

One thing to be understood is, marriage is not a tool to be happy. Although some people can be happy during their marriage life, that isn't because of the marriage itself.  

People are happy because they feel content. They are fulfilled. It has nothing to do with materials, money or luxury. It is more like inner self. You feel appreciated, you feel comfort when your spouse beside you, because you know he/she would take care of you. Now that, my friend, is what marriage all about. 

Find your comfort through giving the comfort to your spouse, your children, your in laws, etc. And you'll get the return, because everything in this world moves reciprocally. 

You will get what you give. That is the Law of the universe. 

Allahu 'alam bissawab. 




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