The Question

Last night I finally have to face the question.

It is the question that I've been trying to avoid so hard. The question that makes my heart melts and my lips numb. It was about 9 pm in the evening and I told my kids to go to bed. Suddenly my little princess, asked this question, "Mommy, why Dad never came home again?"

I tried to neglect the question, but somehow, a thought came across my mind and say that I must deal with this. The kids must know the truth. However, the truth might a bit difficult for them to understand, so I create another lie.


I told them that Dad was on sailing, for in definitive time.
I really don't know how to explain this to them, I'm just expecting that by the time goes, they will understand the situation automatically.

I took a glimpse on the eldest. As usual, he was just silenced when someone asked about his father. I don't know whether it's because of his feeling, sad or hatred, or he’s just acting ignorant. I somehow saw that actually he also would like to know, but he might try to hide it, as if he knew that it’ll bother me. I don't know. All I know that the eldest is different from the other kids I’ve known, he sometimes looks like hiding or playing something in his mind.

When the princess already slept, I found that her brother still awoke. So I asked him the question that has always been bothering me either.

“Baby, have you been asked about your father in school?”

My son looked at me, then he looked at the ceiling. His pretty eyes blinked and he answered,

“well, yes mom…I have often being asked about Dad”

“and..?” I replied

“ummm…I don’t know how to answer that question, mommy..” he still played with his pillow, and suddenly he asked me ,

”where exactly Dad is, mommy? I never knew where he was, so I usually don’t answer that question” he said.

I felt so sad about my son and my princess that they have to deal with this problem that they don’t have any clue about it. It’s clear that I couldn’t say that Daddy doesn’t love us enough that he left us without notification, right? although perhaps, it may be the correct answer. I tried to think as creative as I could, but I failed. Finally I just said that next time, if my kids were asked about their father, just say that he’s on sailing abroad. I know that it didn’t satisfy the eldest, but I just can’t find a better answer.

I just held him tight, and whisper,

“I’m sorry my love, mommy also don’t know where he is…but I’m sure that he’s thinking of us…” I held him even tighter.

“Is it all right for you, if you only got mommy without daddy?” I asked curiously,

“it’s all right mommy…I love you”

His answer sounded like heaven in my ear.

Comments

Anonymous said…
"“it’s all right mommy…I love you”
His answer sounded like heaven in my ear." kata-kata ini sunggur mengetarkan, orang yang kuat adalah orng yg mencintai dan dicintai. dan kata-kata tadi adalah sebuah pil yang jika diminum akan memberi kekuatan hidup untk selama-lamanya.

-dyka-
May 25, 2008 at 10:47 PM
palsayfara said…
amin...
thx for visiting ;)
May 27, 2008 at 12:43 AM
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