The Talking Self

Hari ini hari kedua lebaran. Saat ini saya sedang di RSPJ, menemani mamah cuci darah di RS. Barusan aja makan siang pakai KFC, ngabisin sisa mamah, ntah knp perut malah jadi ga enak. Lebaran kali ini bener2 beda rasanya. Selain krn KO telak, gagal dlm perlombaan ritual Ramadhan, perasaan saya pun bener2 kacau seminggu terakhir ini. Semuanya membuat persiapan lebaran jadi ga beres, antara lain, baju koko faza baru dibeli sehari sebelumnya, sementara kyara tdk mendapat jatah baju muslim sbgm biasa, sehingga kemarin saat shalat Ied hanya memakai baju pesta yg dipadukan dg kerudung merah jambu saya. Saya sendiri pd hari lebaran memakai baju kurung lungsuran mamah, yg untung saja terlihat pas di badan saya. Di atas semua itu, saya sgt bersyukur, ada kakak saya di rumah. Dialah yg menyiapkan seluruh keprluan lebaran, mulai dari makanan, kue2 sampai merapikan rumah. Bukan saya tdk membantu sama sekali, tapi rasanya tanpa dia, lebaran ga akan lewat rumah kami. Sungguh, saking kecewanya saya, ...

I don't know whether it's worth to be shared or not, considering that I heard this from the apples of my eyes, and everything they say or do are always funny,cute and touchy to me... But hey, this is my page anyway..:D Yesterday gotta be the most stressed and probably most touchy day I've ever had. Since we lost our maid just 3 days a go, it's been like a "chaotic situation" in my house. While my kids had just got home from school, my mother who has to do her routine hemodialisys went to hospital with my dad and the driver. For information, my dad usually only accompanies and does a little this and that while the maid prepares the dress change and some other things. But yesterday, since there's only my dad in the house, he did everything. From changing the dress, put on the diaper, did some make up to my mom and those some other things that supposed to be done by woman. I thought one of my sisters came and did those things, because my da...

it's been second week of March 2010. I feel so grateful that I had a chance to look back and found out that I had been through all of this. You see, for the past 6 months my life has been quite a parade. Seriously. So many activities, so many things happened to me. I just read my last blog about my latest romance with ........., who now has become a good friend of mine. Well, since the tragedy back on August 2009, I and him still keep in touch and whenever we met in some occasions, he treated me nicely. All my feeling to him has gone, and now I am happy that we have become good friends. the fact that I lost "my appetite" to him maybe had a correlation with another love I found..hehehe.. Let's say that I had a crush with another guy, and we had been together for at least 5 months, until a week a go when I decided to leave him. I've tried to hold on as long as I could, but apparently I couldn't. He's just too demanding and possessive to me. I c...

3 Januari 2010 Hari ketiga di bulan Januari 2010. Masih agak kagok menulis dua angka terakhir, yang biasanya 09, menjadi 10. Biasanya sih aku akan mulai terbiasa setelah memasuki bulan kedua. Terus terang memasuki tahun 10 ini aku agak kurang bersemangat. Tidak seperti tahun-tahun yang sebelumnya, aku selalu membuat evaluasi dan menulis resolusi sebelum tutup tahun. Namun kali ini rasanya tidak tergerak sama sekali. Entah karena masih sedih akibat salah satu proyek di perusahaan tempat aku bekerja yang gagal dan mengakibatkan pemutusan hubungan kerja teman-temanku, atau karena secara khusus tidak ada perubahan berarti pada diriku pribadi. Aku sendiri bukannya tidak menikmati 200 9. Ada begitu banyak kegiatan yang aku ikuti. Ada banyak teman yang aku temui dan suka cita kegembiraan selama bersama keluarga dan teman-teman. Kumpul Heboh Di tahun ini aku menemukan teman-teman SMP 30 dan SMA 13 yang lama “hilang” kabarnya, bermula dari seorang teman ya...

it's been quite a while since the last time I wrote in here. I don't know why, but I guess the fact that I've made a vow about the spoken language here kinda made my mood stuck hahaha well. Let's see. Not so many things happen to me. There's still the three of us, still no "father" thing in our little kingdom. I still live in my parents home, and my kids are still adorable :) ow..I forgot, now my little princess has been in 1st grade of elementary school...in the same school of her brother. I think this August has been the best month for me so far. Not only that things seem to run smoothly in my work & family, also finally I had a chance to fall in love again. After so long, I finally able to love someone. I thought the love era of me had been passed, and I will have to live without tasting love anymore. I've been in love before, off course, but that was long before the marriage. And the marriage might have been born love, if only one perso...

As a person who has life like a roller coaster (lots of ups and downs in quite short time), I have now set my heart in a neutral mode. This way, life would feel fine, not glamorous, nor pathetic. Convenient, but still full of hope. I don't know whether this is called as maturity, or just a self defense effort to avoid the emotional shock that has ever ruined my life. Back then, I was very emotional, highly sensitive and terribly selfish. In wrong direction, I could be dangerous and deadly (in term of mental-killer). But those days are over now. I found that life is not about winning things. It's more about achieving and sharing. At the end, no one would be happy by defeating or hurting other people. Especially if they were persons that love or used to love us. and one more thing, I realize more and more, that happiness is only real when it is shared.

Hari itu langit begitu mendung, sinar matahari seakan harus berupaya keras menembus awan hitam tebal yang menggantung di langit. Sebuah tenda didirikan di depan rumah bercat putih. Orang-orang, kebanyakan lelaki, menggotong-gotong kursi plastik yang baru saja dipinjam dari sebuah musholla. Beberapa anak usia tanggung tampak berdiri di salah satu sisi tembok. Tak lama kemudian, gerimis turun dan orang-orang terlihat mempercepat pekerjaan mendirikan tenda. Beberapa perempuan menaruh baskom-baskom putih di atas meja di teras rumah itu, lalu menutupinya dengan kain serbet putih bermotif kotak-kotak. Seorang lelaki setengah baya duduk di sebelah meja itu sambil mengepulkan asap rokoknya. Pandangannya menerawang, menatap asap-asap cendawan yang dibuat oleh bulatan-bulatan bibirnya. Suasana temaram di pagi hari ini. Langit semakin gelap.   Perempuan berbaju hijau itu memasuki rumah itu. Kerudungnya berwarna hitam, menempel sekenanya di kepalanya. Ia menundukkan kepalanya   kearah o...