The Talking Self

Last Sunday my dad and I went to mom's grave. I don't know why I couldn't stop my tears while cutting the unwanted grass on her tomb. Suddenly I felt lost, and longed to her. I wanted to hug her, wash her hair, cut her nails, if only I had a chance to get back to the past.   I really missed her, God, pls tell her this. I missed her affectionate stare at me,  I missed her cuddling, I missed everything about her.   I couldn't move myself when my dad told me to  get up to move to the other grave, which is his parents'. I asked him to give me more time since I still wanted to be with my mom.   However, I also realized that   today   I had a promise with Holy's mother to accompany her to shop and also to be introduced to other members of the family. It is so typical life. You have one person left you, then you get another one coming at you. So I whispered a pray, got up, said good bye to my mom, poured some tears on my cheeks again, and tr...

hello it's me again...:D I can't believe myself that it’s almost a year since the last time I wrote here..Maybe because for the past year I've been so busy preparing the moving to a new workplace, and the health of my mother that had gotten worse. well, she's passed away last year. August 23, 2012. ... Until now it still feels like a bad dream. I sometimes can’t believe she’s already left...somehow I can’t accept that finally the disease has defeated her. But I have to let her go, and pray that she’s now in the hands of God, in a better condition, in a better place. Amiin. *sigh* I never afraid of loosing things, for I know that I don’t own anything in this world. But still, the departure felt hurt to me, and I couldn’t ease my feeling without convincing myself that she is now, indeed, has been freed from her pain for the past 5 years, from 3 times a week hemodialisys, the awfully tasteless dietary menu, and  neglegance fro...