The Talking Self

As a person who has life like a roller coaster (lots of ups and downs in quite short time), I have now set my heart in a neutral mode. This way, life would feel fine, not glamorous, nor pathetic. Convenient, but still full of hope. I don't know whether this is called as maturity, or just a self defense effort to avoid the emotional shock that has ever ruined my life. Back then, I was very emotional, highly sensitive and terribly selfish. In wrong direction, I could be dangerous and deadly (in term of mental-killer). But those days are over now. I found that life is not about winning things. It's more about achieving and sharing. At the end, no one would be happy by defeating or hurting other people. Especially if they were persons that love or used to love us. and one more thing, I realize more and more, that happiness is only real when it is shared.

Hari itu langit begitu mendung, sinar matahari seakan harus berupaya keras menembus awan hitam tebal yang menggantung di langit. Sebuah tenda didirikan di depan rumah bercat putih. Orang-orang, kebanyakan lelaki, menggotong-gotong kursi plastik yang baru saja dipinjam dari sebuah musholla. Beberapa anak usia tanggung tampak berdiri di salah satu sisi tembok. Tak lama kemudian, gerimis turun dan orang-orang terlihat mempercepat pekerjaan mendirikan tenda. Beberapa perempuan menaruh baskom-baskom putih di atas meja di teras rumah itu, lalu menutupinya dengan kain serbet putih bermotif kotak-kotak. Seorang lelaki setengah baya duduk di sebelah meja itu sambil mengepulkan asap rokoknya. Pandangannya menerawang, menatap asap-asap cendawan yang dibuat oleh bulatan-bulatan bibirnya. Suasana temaram di pagi hari ini. Langit semakin gelap.   Perempuan berbaju hijau itu memasuki rumah itu. Kerudungnya berwarna hitam, menempel sekenanya di kepalanya. Ia menundukkan kepalanya   kearah o...